Obsession With Beauty

“She is young. She doesn’t understand — it doesn’t matter if a man is scarred or ugly, he will still get a wife. But a woman must do all she can to make herself the ideal wife. Our father loves Sarita too much, that’s why he wants her to be as beautiful as she can be.” (Link)

A perfect smile, a perfect nose, fair skin, a perfect figure every boady part has to be just perfect. Manufacturing Barbie dolls.......

 the mother who came to Dr Kalda from Uttar Pradesh to get her new daughter-in-law a complete makeover of six painful procedures — a reshaped forehead, a nose-job, new cheekbones, an altered jawline (which involves breaking the jaw for remodelling), breast implants (that will need to be removed for breast feeding) and butt implants. Comments Dr Kalda, “The saas examined the girl’s naked body before marriage and brought her to me so she could be perfect for her son.” It’s the highest number of procedures the good doctor has performed on a single patient, save those who get a sex change.

The Other Half - Who Cares?

I recently read the following article The Other Half - Dying of Indifference  which focuses on apathy of people in a metropolitan city like Delhi and of course, on the lack of basic health care system in India. But the very title of this article "The Other Half-Dying of Indifference" made me think that the other half is always dying, everyday she is dying either in a womb of her mother, or succumbs to injuries in case of domestic violence. She dies when she is forced to drop out of school (if at all she was ever given a chance to attend one) and help at home. She dies when she is raped, molested, eve-teased and considered a commodity day and night by her other half. The other half is beaten and thrashed by her husband/in-laws for not providing enough dowry and giving birth to a girl(s). Her life is dependent on her better half but does he care though he needs her to do chores, run errands, give birth to a boy. She is there as long as he wants her to. She lives for as long as she is allowed to live. The other half, the better half is there but who cares !

Barefoot Unwanted Daughters

This article was published on Hindu Newspaper website -    They are vanishing fast.....they are crying for help !  


I want to live and dream.
I want to walk on a beach
Feel the sand and the waves.
Just like you do.

I want my mother to hug me
And say "I love you".
I want to be a fairy
At a fancy dress party.
I want you to take photographs of me
When one of my wings is broken.

I want to fight with my friends
And play with them again.
I want to sit with Papa
On a huge giant wheel.
Just like you do.

I want to breath
I want fly
Let me...let me just live
Because that's what even you do !

It was my only option....or at least I thought so

Big numbers and many more big numbers like 100%....no not 99.9% I see revolving in my head, I see them dancing around me, I hear them shouting in my ears "look,look at me. I am the one you need to run after today, tomorrow and all your life." And not just numbers but words, words which you shout, which they shout and which everybody shout "work harder", "you have only one chance" , "be a topper".....oh! those traumatising words. Go away....leave me.....I can do just this much. They are there when I am sleeping, they are there when I try to hide from them under the table; they are there in the form of my friends, my parents and my teachers.......they are always haunting me.

Then one day.Look how beautiful the earth looks from here. And look how small everything looks from here. Soon this earth will embrace me and soon those words and numbers won't haunt me. Soon I will be what I always wanted to be.....free !

I take that leap. I feel the air....cool brezee on my face.....my hair are flowing...I am smiling, maybe. Something makes me turn my head and I look back. I see Lalita, my kid sister, looking at me, not smiling but crying. My mother reaching out for me unsuccessfully. My father with no expression, maybe he is dead even before me. Are they saying sorry? "Come back" I hear them say. "Give your life one more chance. Give us one more chance" I hear them shouting. I feel their tears falling on me, just like rain. 

Now I desperately wish I could turn back. I can't. Now I am not dying because of those haunted numbers and words but because I did not give myself and my life another chance. Maybe, just maybe, that another chance could have changed things for better. But Ah ! the earth has embraced me.   

My Fair Lady....and Lord

I remember an incident from my childhood days. I was out with a friend of mine ...I guess we were playing badminton. It was a nice pleasant evening and there was no hurry to finish the school homework as the next day was Sunday. After few minutes we saw one of our neightbour, Aunty ji, passing by. So we greeted her "Nameste Aunty ji". She smiled and responded "Nameste beta". And she walked a few paces but suddenly turned back (in the meantime we had resumed our game) and came towards my friend and said, "Bahut pooder lagati hai kya?  Badi gori hai" (Do you apply lot of powder? You are very fair). Before my friend could say yes or no our dear Aunty ji left. We laughed and kept on imitating her. I could not stop teasing my friend from that day onwards and would repeatedly say to her  "poooooder" as Aunty ji had pronounced.

As a child of course I did not understand the significance of being a gori (fair), I did not understand the seriousness of it, I did not understand the role it played in finding a groom for a girl in Indian society as the color of the skin was never an issue in my family, was never an issue while making friends and was never an issue in getting good grades at school. It was much later when adverts like fair and lovely, fairglow, fairever etc. started to come on television and the markets were flooded with such products, did I realise our obsession with the white skin. It was spreading like a virus into the minds of young teenage girls, into the veins of mothers who were trying hard to find a good match for their not-so-fair daughters, into the blood of the would-be mother-in-laws looking for "fair" daughter-in-laws (even though their sons might be brown-skinned !!).

The advertisements intially focused on finding a groom for a dark-skinned daughter. Everyday the father would recieve marriage proposals for his daughter but when the family of the boy would see this dark-skinned girl she would be rejected. This disappointed the girl's parents and of course the girl. One day the daughter comes to know about fair and lovely and starts using it and then of course there is not dearth of marriage proposals coming her way. Now the advertisers also focus on how application of these creams could make you get your dream job, could make you feel very confident and hence a successful woman. There is one advert which shows that a brown/dark-skinned girl wants to be an air-hostess but she is repeatedly rejected at the interviews. Then of course she starts applying fair and lovely and becomes fair...fairer...fairest !! and as a result of this she gets her dream job ! I wonder how have I managed getting my dream job without applying these fairness creams....hhhmm...I really wonder.

Indian matrimonial websites are filled with "looking for a very fair, very beautiful girl". Every guy and his family is hunting...literally hunting for such "very fair, very beautiful girl" but I seriously want to know just how many of these guys find these Barbie Dolls....I am sorry but I guess I have to call these "very fair, very beautiful girls" Barbie Dolls because generally our skin color varies from light brown to brown to dark brown; it is not in our genes to get a fair/white complexion....and hence I would call them Barbie Dolls. So coming back to the point of guys hunting for these Barbie Dolls do they really find them? Because eventually they get married to the girls that are around and these girls are generally brown skinned.

I saw a debate on NDTV on We The People where it was being discussed about our fixation for the white skin, are we biased towards white skin and hence does it mean that deep within we are racist. Among the panel guests was the advertising guru and advert maker of fair & lovely Alyque Padamsee. He was defending his advertisement by saying that if putting a slight make-up or doing a particular hairstyle is also like enhancing your beauty then there is nothing wrong in applying such creams to get a fair complexion. I wanted to ask him at that point and I really wish I could whether applying a lipstick or mascara has ever been a criteria in seeking a bride because if it was then surely bride-hunters would have stated this on matrimonial websites. And also when he said that the products are there in the market because there is a demand from the society then I wanted to ask him should he not act like a responsible person of the society and not make such adverts just to mint money. By showing a father disappointed on not getting a groom for his daughter and a girl not getting her dream job because of the skin color how is he positively influencing the already white-skinned-fixated Indian society. Why his he adding oil to the fire !!

Now it is not just about the women anymore. It is also about men....yes about men who would want to become gora (fair). So in the market we have a product called fair & handsome !!! Yes guys it is your turn now ! An advert like a guy not being able to find a girlfriend of course because of his skin color. He uses this cream and there...it works like magic....all the girls of the town are after him. And guess who suggests him to use fair &handsome (in the advert)????? It is the king of Bollywood...Shah Rukh Khan !! I was so surprised to see him promoting his product. Why did he choose to do it?? Guess the reason could only be money because he has no dearth of female-fan following. I really wish he had either not done this advert or used his image for a better cause.

Lastly to those people especially in the West who think that it is ok if we (the brown-skinned people) want to get fair by applying these creams because on the other hand we (the white-skinned people) like to get a brown skin by getting a sun tan. I say NO ! It is not ok because the color of your skin does not play any role in finding you a life partner; it does not matter to your parents; you won't get rejected at an interview. Whether you are fair or tanned it simply doesn't matter in your society. But it does in our society. Have a look at the adverts and you would know what I mean.